Crossing the eyes and dotting the tease

Julie needs to wear glasses - so do I, come to that, but Julie needs to wear glasses all the time. Apart from when she sleeps or is bathing. That'd be silly.

In a sense, Julie has been lucky with getting her glasses made up, as technology has managed to stay barely a step of her needs. Almost each time she gets her eyes tested, Julie is told that she may have to have corrective surgery 'next time'. Fortunately, 'next time' appears to be taking a cue from Tomorrow in this instance, since 'next time' never really manages to reappear.

You see, to get the right level of sight correction, Julie's glasses have been getting thicker and thicker.

No, she does NOT look like that.

Obviously, there is only so far you can thicken lenses, and the threat has always been to have the surgery, but technological advances mean that the opticians can get a decent lens from a thinner piece of material.

Without the glasses, one eye does have a tendency to pull to one side, but it's nothing major - certainly not Marty Feldman territory. Or, as Julie puts it,

...it's true, I suppose...

Warning! Alcohol may cause eyestrain!

This week, as you may have noticed, is a full week of Gems, all resulting from a single game of Trivial Pursuit. You may also recall that said activity was assisted - for Julie, at least - the consumption of a glass or two of wine. A half-decent Shiraz, as I recall.
To begin with, any oddity was purely down to my wife's generally wonderful nature. After a while, however, the wine did begin to take effect. Not that Julie was slurring her words. No, it was more that Julie's brain was actually being slurred.The mouth was fine; I could understand every single word that was spoken. It was just when you put the words together as Julie did that your own brain began slurring in sympathy...

Apparently, this quirky little epithet meant that Julie's eyelids were feeling heavy as a result of the wine she had drunk.
Yes, love. It's totally obvious, now that you mention it. -.-

Clearly in the dark about lightships.

Julie was on form today. Seriously; it was one of those days where I was really wishing I had a voice recorder to get all those little bits I couldn't quite hear properly (even though I heard enough to get the gist of it).
Things were slow at work, so I decided to take a half-day. As it turned out, Julie had finished work and arrived home a couple of minutes before me, so, after a spot of lunch and a natter, we thought we would go for a stroll, seeing as how it was such a nice day. Really nice, in fact. Cold, but really nice. Beautiful blue sky with just a few wispy clouds and not much of a breeze. Like I said, though - bloomin' cold.

Following a spot of tea and a bite to eat in one of our favourite cafés, we wandered up the road towards the seafront. After we crossed the road,* the wind was a tad stronger and the chill bit a little more, so we zipped up our coats to the top. While Julie was sorting herself out, I looked out to sea and saw something that made me realise just how clear the weather was.

This is the woman who has lived in Eastbourne all her life. Mind you, it turns out I was a little incorrect in my terminology. Until today, I had no need to research the lightship. Julie had told me it was out there, and that was all I needed to know. However, a search for images of an 'Eastbourne lightship' turned up precious little, and much of that seemed to have very little to do with the sea, let alone big lights that warn shipping of dangerous areas. I mean come on - what the hell was a picture of a cricket pitch doing in that lot? Eventually, I found something that seemed to fit what I had been seeing from a distance, but found it was a lighthouse.
Eh? Oh yes. A renewed search found a plethora of pictures of the lighthouse - here's one such photo.

Yep - that's Eastbourne & Beachy Head in the distance.

As it turns out, the lightship had been retired back in the 1970s and been replaced by this thing.
Anyhow, back to Julie, whose eyes (and memory) had suddenly decided to work. I suppose it helps if you're looking the right way...

My glasses??
Erm... yes, dear.

That's it - have a great weekend, folks!

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Considering it's Friday 13th, we had some brilliant timing every time we needed to cross a road - not once did we even have to pause before crossing a previously busy road.

Slightly unsightly kitty-cats.

Today is a guest spot courtesy of the youngest daughter of one of my friends - you haven't met this young lady before, but I'm wondering if today is an indication of Gems to come...

Most of us have visited an optician in the last year or so. Isn't it amazing how the test seems to incorporate another new aspect, either some new, dazzling gadget or something that will cause you great discomfort (I'm sure there is no real need for those damn puffs of air, despite what that berk in the lab coat says...). For children, the test is set up a little differently. After all, the average child can't be expected to sit still for ages and put up with the indignities that we adults have been used to since we started working. Even the eye chart is more interesting. All we get are some random letters that decrease in size to eye-wateringly small lines. No, our darling kiddies get this instead.

Isn't that a lot more interesting? If you think I'm making this up, take a look at this optician's site.
Even more interesting - entertaining, even - is the following exchange between the optician and my friend's youngest daughter.

Well, yes. That would do it.

It's not the cow that's mad.

Happy Half-way Day, folks! Two more days left to the weekend, and it's never seemed so far away... Ah well.

Julie's taking a break today. Instead, I have a Gem from a friend's mother. J's mum generally denies this ever happening, but it's one of those silly little things that has passed into family legend that is generally never as funny to people not in the know or there at the time (just don't ask me about apple strudel, OK?). This one is different - it's pretty damn hilarious despite not knowing J's mum or the precise details.
This is not to say I do not have any background for you.

It seems that, while at a country show, J, her mum and family were passing through the area set aside for cattle. They had passed a few breeds, when J's mother saw one she recognised. Although her criteria for breed identification seems to be somewhat on the shaky side...

Uh... yes. Because all the other ones looked like chickens and horses...

Apparently, J dropped back a few paces out of sheer embarrassment, while the farmer to whom the cow belonged simply stared at her mother in utter disbelief.
I wonder why?

Photoshop is now a surgical instrument

Two and a half years ago, Julie had an operation, one that has changed her life in so many ways. It's a common operation these days, but the really nice thing is that the team behind the procedure like to hold an annual get-together for all their patients, past and present, and their respective partners. It's a wonderful little do, supremely English, in that it's a garden party and serving little bite-sized nibbles instead of laying on the carbohydrates and drowning them in beer.
For everyone involved, it's a chance to put on a little finery and allow it to see sunlight instead of the sickly glow of a pub or nightclub....
...sorry, I think I need to disengage my cynicism circuits...
Joking apart, I have enjoyed it on both of the occasions we have gone, and I know Julie has too. It's a chance to meet up with people who have been in a similar position. More importantly though, people can get to meet once more the surgeons who have effectively saved their lives.
Admittedly, it is something of a PR stunt, in that there are photographers from a newspaper or a magazine there each time, but that only adds to the experience. Especially in view of the fact that the photographers allow people to grab hold of any photos they may be in and use them for themselves. Saves cramming yourselves into a photo booth, doesn't it?

Julie isn't the only one with a health problem. I have suffered from severe headaches and migraines since I was a wee lad of seven. Over the years, I have been from doctor to doctor and tried the gods know how many different types of medication and/or painkiller. I have tried Herbal remedies and a Chinese herbalist, neither of which achieved anything apart from a substantially lighter wallet. Of course, there can be and are many different triggers, all of which I try to avoid.
One such trigger, however, is light. My eyes are particularly weak and so, like U2's Bono (and for the same reason), I need to wear sunglasses of varying tints pretty much all of the time, regardless of whether I am outdoors or in.
It causes a few odd looks and jeers now and then, but sod 'em; I've avoided a headache. On the other hand, it can be a bone of contention between me and Julie on occasion.

Um. Thanks, love.

Eyeballing the titles

As you know by now, my Dad visited us last weekend and brought Toby, their Jack Russell terrier with him. He's an incredibly intelligent and loyal dog but he has some funny habits - like deliberately wedging his throwing toy under something so he can't get it out. His face is also one of the most expressive I have ever seen on any animal - including a few (alleged) humans I know.

"Take a picture of me, will you? Hah! I blow raspberries in your general direction..."

On one day, Julie was playing with Toby, when she stopped and looked into his eyes.

Indecisive much? Well, it's either that or Toby's eyes are chameleonic.
Shortly after that, we settled down to watch a film. We had asked Dad what he fancied watching, but he decided to leave it up to us. However, when it came to setting things up for it, he did ask which it was we had settled on.

Now, at the end of this week, can you see just why it is Julie and my father get on so well?

The obvious is so bright, I gotta wear shades

Julie has always worn glasses. The prescription on them is pretty strong too, which makes it all the more difficult to shop for frames etc. Unfortunately, she seems to now have trouble with more than just walking around....

So, yeah.
And in further news the Vatican has confirmed that the Pope is indeed of the Roman Catholic faith. Also, shocking news from our nature correspondent regarding the toilet habits of bears in forested areas.

Joking aside, you know your eyesight's bad when you take off lenses that are a centimetre thick to read a newspaper close up....