Of elbows and ears

I would hope it's abundantly clear by now that I find Julie's little quirks highly entertaining.
This is true.
Once in a while though, there is a Gem that floors me, sometimes literally...

Recently, I have been suffering from what felt like blocked ears, even though there was nothing to be found. Julie has had this herself. It's an annoying condition known as 'glue ear'. An apt name, if ever there was. It feels all bunged up and everything sounds like it's coming via a swimming pool. It can take some time to shift, as Julie can confirm. Until the doctor told her what it was, she thought she'd just had a persistent head cold. One lasting for a few months.
So, when it seemed like I was starting to 'glue up' as I called it, I was not happy.
On Saturday, Julie and myself went into town, and I happened to mention how my ears were feeling - it must have rung bells* with Julie, because she immediately came up with this:

Well, I just fell about the place. Literally, Julie had to pull at my arm to stop me from wandering into the road as I had hysterics. I mean, how the hell can you get from ear to elbow, apart from the initial letter? Seriously, that's right up there with her Bullring/Doughnut classic...
It didn't help that Julie tried to justify it by saying that the tennis player could have accidentally elbowed himself in the ear....

Yes, dear.

* No, not tinnitus. Wrong bells.

Barking mad about cables

Well, about something, anyway. I'm not sure what, though - and neither are the two people in today's Gem.

I've lifted this wholesale from notalwaysright.com; this site, if you're unfamiliar with it, has content entirely provided from people who work in shops or are on the other end of the line in customer service positions. You see, as they know far too well, the adage "The customer is always right" does not hold true. Very frequently, the customer is a complete idiot or an abusive ass, or possibly both at the same time.
There is, of course, a third category, one that seems to be populated by people who only appear to have, at best, a nodding acquaintance with reality. Like the guy below who called the support line for a cable company.

I have no idea what the caller was taking for his ills, but I would like some please. He seemed to be happy enough in his own little world...

Hedgehogs and their habits.

When I met Julie, I'd already had a thing about hedgehogs. I'm not sure why, but I began doodling and suddenly found myself coming up with a whole range of odd 'hoggy characters living in a forest with a tree-god and a homicidal giant snail. It was ok, but my artistic talents are very limited and I just don't have the patience to develop them any further. To prevent any further questions, here's the best of them.

Despite this, I found myself becoming fond of the original critters and began collecting various hedgehog ornaments. When Julie saw my collection, she loved it, and began adding to it herself. Thus began a shared interest bordering upon obsession. The only blight upon this is the fact that we live in a rented terraced house and therefore have pretty much absolutely no chance of a 'hoggy visitor in our back garden (pity - it'd keep the slugs and snails off my cauliflowers...).
A friend of mine, however, has had a number of hedgehogs in her garden and introduced me to Hedgehog Street, a site dedicated to halt the decline in the hedgehog population. Naturally interested, I sent off for an information pack, which arrived in today's post. After I read through it, Julie had a look and saw the little cards showing some of the annual activities of the hedgehog.

After I recovered, I had to admit it was a classic and it proved once more that we're perfectly suited to each other. In fact, if push came to shove, I think I would have to admit the fact I am just a little jealous at her free-wheeling ability to free-associate images like that.
And yes, she does generally win each game of word association.

Do you swear to tell the truth? "Yes. No. Maybe. What was the question again?"

Earlier this evening, Julie came out with a belter of a Gem, so much so that I had to write it down. This was done and I was quite happy to present it to you tonight, except there later arose a... situation.
I believe I have told you before about how Julie's mouth can get all carried away and what comes out sounds very much like some sort of free-form jazz. Well, up until now, I haven't been able to capture this in any way. With recording equipment, Julie becomes too self-conscious and nothing happens. Writing it down isn't really an option either, as there's no way I can either keep up or remember what was said.

Until now.

Well, I have to admit I have fiddled this one slightly. There was actually a bit more to this, but I got lost and this was the best I could do. Even so, it's a good one, right?

In through the out door. Or is that out through the in door?

We were in our local pub when this particular gem slipped out. The pub that's literally just around the corner. The one we'd been going to on a semi-regular basis for quite some time.

I forget what it was that prompted this little beauty, but I don't think it matters, to be honest. A lot of Julie's malapropisms have some rhyme or reason (very rarely both, though), but this one just has a warped beauty all of its own. One of my personal favourites.