Showing posts with label cafe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cafe. Show all posts

Wednesday, 25 December 2013

Excuse me, but I believe there may be sand in your logic.

It's Christmas, don't you know? Well, felicitations of the season to every single one of you, and please accept our wishes for a wonderful new year.

OK. That's out of the way. Let's get back to the Gems...*

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So, there we were in the garden centre cafe, thoroughly enjoying some hot soup. Seriously, it was use-the-bread-to-mop-up-the-dregs good. If you're interested in visiting this place, it's on a small road, just south of Hailsham in East Sussex (Click here for more info).  Having saved the cafe some washing-up, we regretfully pushed the sparkling clean dishes away and sat back to sip tea.

Cue Julie.


She had me there.
By the way, when I said it was blowing a gale, I wasn't joking; for the last few days, we have had tree-felling winds and field-drowning rainfall. Sod white, I'm dreaming of a DRY Christmas...


*I know. Just call me Grinch-lite.

Monday, 23 December 2013

A time for family get-togethers.

Last Saturday, we wanted to get out of the house, despite the poor weather. Going into town during the lead-up to Christmas was out, and the weather was bad enough that we didn't fancy going for a walk. In the end, we opted to visit a local garden centre, one we knew had a half decent cafe.

When we got there, we found that their soup of the day was a creamy tomato and red pepper. Yes please!

There was a large queue for the cafe, so I was sent to grab a table while Julie waited in line. On the next table along, there was a group of people in their fifties or sixties. One had obviously been waiting for the mobile technological revolution, as his ear was permanently glued to an iPhone. I wasn't paying much attention to him, but you couldn't help but hear the occasional phrase drift over. By and large, it was the usual "I'm alive and so are you, isn't the weather awful?", with a random mention of the festive season here and there.

And then one very worrying snippet made itself very clear.


This arrived in my ears just as Julie arrived with our food & tea. Judging by her reaction to my face though, I don't think she had managed to catch it herself. Ye gods...

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As you may or may not know, our format of Monday/Wednesday/Friday means that there is a slight clash in scheduling for the next Gem. However, you never know...

Friday, 20 December 2013

In a septic fish tank.

There are times when curiosity may not kill the cat, but it will certainly turn its stomach. Anyone who may have wondered what all the fuss was about with 'two girls, one cup' and googled it will know exactly what I mean. No, I'm not linking to it. If you are dumb enough to ignore the less-than-subtle warning signs I'm putting out here, then you can do it on your own.

And don't blame me.

My own, latest 'curiosity vs cat' moment came today as I was searching for an image to include with this post. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's go back in time, quite some months now, to a point when Julie and myself were in a local cafe and looking at all the different food they had to offer. Julie was having a quick look at the 'specials' board* while I perused the main menu.

As I had my head down, and was trying to make up my mind between two very good options, I wasn't listening to Julie as closely as I could have. That said, it seems my subconscious is excellent when it comes to picking up on Julie's Gems...


Joking aside, I realised I have never seen this dish, let alone tasted it... You can see where this is going, can't you?


These, ladies, gentlemen and others, are quails' eggs. Either that, or an eagle has made its nest in the hand of a giant. You will note a distinct lack of aspic. This is for two reasons. First, I wanted to show the relative size of the eggs, as I'm well aware that a lot of people will not have even heard of them.

Second, I googled 'quails eggs aspic'.

Ew.
I had flashbacks to the time I inadvisably tried jellied eels.
To put this into context, some of you will be aware of my views on sushi. I would willingly chow down a plate of sushi before even glancing at anything that has been 'jellied'.

Excuse me, I think I need to go and rinse my mouth out. With Marmite.


* No, the classic 2-Tone band has not gone into catering.

Monday, 9 December 2013

A very feathery fish

On one of our many forays into the eateries of town, me and Julie popped into Roots.


The food and drink is good and there is a fair choice, too. Not only that, but there are things that you won't often find in your average cafe, such as quails' eggs. The thing is, if you don't have more than a basic knowledge of flora and fauna, then even the word 'quail' will mean nothing more than a sensation of fear or trepidation. Julie is one such person. However, I will say right now that my wife is not unintelligent - far from it. A lack of knowledge is nothing to do with your mental processing power.

That said, Julie does ask some interesting questions...


I know quail eggs are small (and very delicious!), but they're not that small.!

Here's a quail.


Friday, 6 December 2013

The Tea-Room Trilogy, part 3: Puppies!

There is a bit of a NSFW element to today's post, so be warned...


At the tea-rooms, we had both finished our drinks and cakes. And, as we saw last time, Julie had made use of the facilities. This time around, it was my turn to need the loo. Julie asked for the car keys and said she would wait in the car for me. Fair enough.

When I came out of the toilet, there were a couple of ladies at the table where we had been sat moments before. Each had a small, cute dog on a lead, both of which were very interested in everything going on around them - especially if there was food involved. In the absence of any food, though, I made a passable alternative. After a brief moment of mutual fussing, the ladies' food arrived, and the pups' attention span departed. I said my goodbyes, bid the staff a good break over the winter period, and went to the car.

I got in, and as I buckled myself in, Julie knew immediately why there had been a delay in me leaving the loo. She has said many times before,
"If I can't find my husband, all I have to do is look for the nearest dog, because he'll probably be making a fuss of it."
Guilty as charged, m'lud.
Still, the question needed to be asked, something that really should have been phrased better, knowing me as  well as she does.


As I post this, I'm really hoping that my international audience knows of the slang word 'puppies' meaning 'boobies'. And I'm not talking about the blue-footed avian...


Wednesday, 4 December 2013

The Tea Room Trilogy part 2: Dogged by innuendo.

So there we were in Duddleswell Tea Rooms, on their last day of opening for the year. Looking at the menu, I was reminded and again gratified to see a wide variety of teas - including my favourite, Lapsang Suchong. Unfortunately, they didn't have any soy milk, so I had to opt for either a green tea or a herbal infusion... Hm... gunpowder green tea, methinks...

Julie is a lot less fussy when it comes to tea; tea, milk & sugar, and that's it. Just tea. No fancy stuff. Especially no smelly ones.

Another thing the tea rooms are good for are their cakes. There was some massive meringue concoction in the chiller cabinet, which looked very inviting, but we decided to be sensible and go for a scone.
OK, Julie was sensible.
I had a slice of cherry, apricot & almond tart with a small jug of pouring cream. Very nice.

Unfortunately, tea has a side-effect; it's a diuretic - it makes you pee more. No sooner had the last sip been taken than Julie was off to the loo, leaving me to eye up the cakes - and the waitresses, of whom more on Friday.

When Julie returned, she sat down with a happy sigh and a little smile. I laughed, and asked her:


Yes, we were heading on to Last Chance Animal Rescue afterwards, but the schoolboy in me just went straight for the 'dogging' joke.


Monday, 2 December 2013

The Tea Room Trilogy, part 1: The short arm of the wotnot

I love it when a single day out results in a plethora of Gems. Even better - and rarer - is when I can cull a week's worth of Gems from about an hour's time in a tea room.

Visit http://www.duddleswelltearooms.co.uk/ for more information.

Duddleswell Tea Rooms are in Ashdown Forest, Kent (UK). You need to be concentrating on your surroundings though, as it is the epitome of 'blink and you'll miss it'. We were lucky; today was their last day of opening before closing for the winter period. It's a very friendly place, and the food is home cooked and locally sourced. They don't do soy milk, though, so you will need to take your own. The tea rooms are very pet-friendly, and will bring out a saucer with a couple of doggy treats should you decide to stop for a cuppa while out on 'walkies'.

We decided to stop for a drink on our way to Last Chance Animal Rescue to discuss fostering a dog. It was relatively quiet; the staff nearly outnumbered the customers. After sitting at a table by the window, we ordered our drinks - gunpowder green tea for me, as I forgot the 'no-soy' thing.

Chatting away, I became aware that Julie was having a problem with the table. She was trying to lean her elbows on the top so she could have her cup held by her mouth. Unfortunately, every time Julie moved slightly, one elbow or the other would slip off the edge of the circular table.


Uh. If you insist, love.

If you are in the area and fancy dropping in for a drink and a bit of cake (after they reopen), you can search for it on Google maps. Here's a little bit of map for you to get started...


Wednesday, 13 November 2013

What a sausage!

It's been long known that much of the British sense of humour is based around the use of double-entendres. Many an innocent comment has been countered with, "...as the actress said to the bishop." My own take on this is the modern version, "...that's what she said."

It's truly amazing just how even the most banal and incontrovertible comment can be retroactively altered by one of those two phrases. Best of all, to my mind, is that you can utter the punchline with no real aim, but to prove to the world that you are still breathing. However, the magic then takes place in the mind of the first speaker. Suddenly, their mind is now working overtime, trying to work out what on earth was smutty about what they said. Often, that person somehow manages to take it even further than was intended by the joker. I have often been surprised at the turn of mind that people take - even when I'm barely aware that I actually replied to their original sentence...

Funny how peoples' minds work, ain't it?


Of course, I have now managed to reach some sort of plateau of meta-smuttiness, where I now no longer have to say anything. I may assume a certain expression, but normally, people who know me will find themselves either cringing at what they just said (expecting my input - even if I'm not there!), or slowly, haltingly picking their words with exaggerated care.

At this point, I will state in my defence that I'm not like this all the time, despite popular belief - and any evidence to the contrary. Yes, I do take great enjoyment in wordplay, from puns to well-crafted sentences. However, I'm also a bit of a daydreamer, so when I'm in company and someone has carelessly let free a sentence that couldn't be more open if it had major surgery, I don't always react. In fact, the first I will know of such a situation is the silence of people all looking at me, waiting for my input. And all I'd say would be, "...what?"

As you will have no doubt noticed, I'm not entirely alone in this mindset. Julie, in fact, surprises even me with comments, and even I am not immune to setting myself up...


So, back to last Saturday, that soggy day. It was the first Saturday we had really managed to get together for a while, and we were determined to make a day of it. We had intended to go to Brighton and browse the shops in the Lanes, but the severity of the rain meant that we would have wound up soaking wet, even with ducking in and out of places. Thus it was we wound up driving around Kent - again. It's a great place for a pootle, lots of little towns and villages to stop in and have a cup of tea.

Our ultimate destination was one we have visited many times before. It's a little distant (by British terms, as opposed to other countries, perhaps), but Macknade's Fine Foods is well worth it. It's an amazing food hall, with an emphasis on local foods and delicatessen foods. There is also a great little cafe which usually has soy milk. Furthermore, despite the overly hipster feel of the place, the food is tasty, comes in decent quantities and isn't overly pricey. We've never had more than a slice of cake there (gluten free too!), but it's normally been plenty to keep us going until our evening meal.

Just part of the food hall. The cafe would be behind the photographer.

In the car park, we were sat in the car with the doors open, enjoying a brief respite from the rain, and just watching the world go by. We began picking up on small details around us; this registration plate on a car, that toddler with her panda hat, complete with ears - and a man leaving the shop with a bag in his arms, out of which was poking a number of very long, very thing and very wrinkled ... sausages?


Well played, love. Well played.

For the curious, this is what kabanos look like, although these are relatively wrinkle-free.


Friday, 18 October 2013

Beware the muffin man

I have a nasty and possibly life-threatening habit.
Eavesdropping.

Even NP Harris does it...

Well, eavesdropping and then joining in the conversation, without the other person/people being aware.
Hopefully.

I have done this with pissed-up clubbers queuing for a kebab, old dears as they wait for their pension in a post office queue, chavs hanging around in gangs in shopping centres and various random people talking loudly on their mobile phones. Obviously, some of these situations are more dangerous than others - I leave it to you to decide which.

Julie is somewhat unsurprisingly disapproving of this habit of mine, possibly due to the potential for fist & face meetings. In my defence, I do have to call hypocrisy on this one, as Julie does engage in this on occasion. Of course, when I call her out on it, her reply is normally, "...that's different."
Joe Jackson had it right.

One time, we were in our local shopping centre, thinking about having a cuppa and perhaps a bun. Ahead of us in the queue were a couple of elderly women who were definitely in the market for some baked goods. I had already been feeling mischievous, and when one of the women asked her companion a poorly-phrased question, my reply was more of a knee-jerk reaction than anything that was thought through...




...here comes Muffin, Muffin, the mule....

Friday, 9 August 2013

Parking in a flash.

A couple of days ago, our guest had a little surprise; I had arranged a meeting with some mutual friends. Under the pretense of visiting a garden centre, me and our guest drove across Kent, avoiding various nutters on the way. We arrived a little earlier than our friends, so I gently steered my companion around the garden centre, coincidentally managing to keep a discreet eye on the entrance.

When our friends arrived, I casually pointed to various plants that just happened to be located in a different direction than the entrance - so a little light sneaking could be achieved.

The eventual encounter was all I could hope for and more, although my companion was quiet for a moment before turning to me and simply saying, "you're a bad man." She was grinning as she said it, though.

We had a drink and a small bite to eat at the garden centre's cafe. Although they would rather it was called a 'bistro', which should tell you about the food - and the prices.

After a rest and a natter, we decided it was time to move on. When the question of a location was raised, there was a sudden flurry of smartphones as people tapped and swiped away furiously. After some discussion, it was agreed that we would go to Shorne Wood Country Park - our friends would lead and me and our guest would follow.

A great visitor centre!

Upon our arrival, we had a small search for a parking spot. My companion, who is not a native to this country, saw a number of signs referring to the parking facilities, all with a stern, clear instruction to 'Pay and display'.


Something about me must be catching, because my friend started laughing like a drain. When I managed to ask what she had found funny, she pointed to one of the signs and said;


I looked at the hordes of children running around and politely declined the offer.

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

The extreme egg fiasco

We have a problem. We like food. Unfortunately, we're not too good at controlling what we eat, nor the quantities thereof. Oh, and by the way, that statement doesn't just apply to my wife and me, but Western civilisation in general. We have come to consume too much of the wrong things and too much in general.

I'm currently trying to work with a dietician. Julie, on the other hand, tried that and various diets a long time ago. In the end, we agreed surgery was the only option. Julie had a gastric bypass, a version known as the Roux-en-y procedure.



This, without a word of exaggeration, has changed her life completely. It's entirely probable that it saved her life. Compulsive eating is a psychological problem, one that our primitive bodies are ill-equipped to cope with.

For those who can't stomach (sorry) looking at graphic details of operations, the notion is a simple one. Basically, the stomach is cut in half and the appropriate tubing is connected up to a much smaller gastric pouch.
Initially, the diet is severely limited, but with time, the patient can once again eat much of what they did before - just in drastically smaller portions. Even then, the stomach is still an elastic organ. It can stretch, and does. However, even taking that into account, one would still never be able to eat the massive portions as before.

It's a difficult situation, not just for the patient. A lot of human social interaction is based around the consumption of food and drink, and most pubs, cafes and restaurants don't really understand the concept of needing a tiny portion. Indeed, many get rather shirty when you ask for a child's portion when you have clearly left childhood far too long ago.

So how small does the stomach become after the operation?
About the size of a hen's egg.

Seriously.

Obviously, you're never going to be able to take in what you could, so if you have this op, then you're going to have to take a daily dose of vitamin & minerals in tablet form..
As I mentioned, the stomach may regain some magnitude, but only in a small way. Maybe twice the size of an egg, maybe a bit more.



It's not an exact thing, because everyone is different. Some keep their diet to minimal levels, some find they can't eat certain foods any more; some can't handle sweet stuff, others have trouble with greasy food - oh and it really doesn't take much alcohol either.

So, when Julie and me were in a cafe having a bite to eat, I was ploughing through a nice panini. My wife, however, was gingerly picking at hers. Oh, she was enjoying it, but necessity meant that she had to take it carefully, or she would end up with a side-effect known as 'dumping' - although this is more usually encountered in association with sugary foods.

With this in mind, we began to discuss how much her stomach will have changed in the few years since her operation.


...ummm...
...ok...

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Just in case you didn't know, the World Book Night Prize draw is now closed. We will be filming a clip today for the drawing of the winners and posting the results tomorrow.

Friday, 26 April 2013

A-groping and a-growling we will go!

It's been something of an open secret for the last few months that I have been suffering from acute depression and anxiety - enough to give me panic attacks out in public. I've been trying various forms of treatment and medication, but for one reason or another, they have not managed to do the trick thus far.

Readers of this blog will know that my mother has a dog, a Jack Russell terrier by the name of Toby. He's a family dog and something of an attention whore, but a highly intelligent one, nonetheless.
Intelligence was a hotly-debated topic with our previous dog, Skip. He was a pure-breed English Springer Spaniel, and bloody huge. I don't mean fat, but tall and stocky - I would often have people stop and ask me what breed he was, because you just don't get Springers that large. However, Skip was either clever and sneaky or just plain bloody daft. Honest - we couldn't work it out, even after a dozen years.

Back to Toby.


He loves to cuddle up next to you on the sofa, wedging himself tightly between you and the arm of the sofa (or chair, if you're skinny). In fact, it's slightly alarming, because he curls himself up so much you wonder how he manages to breathe.
However, once he's there, it then becomes a case of symbiosis. He's feeling so much better for cuddling up to you, sure. But, as you stroke him, you feel yourself feeling better too. It's an established fact that petting animals can help people's mood to change for the better - generally. There are limits, of course.

Me - I'm a dog person through and through. Some months ago, Julie thought it would be a good idea to visit a rescue centre, one which allowed you to meet and greet the animals.
Wow.
We both came away wanting a dog - different dogs, though. Julie liked a Jack Russell, while I fell head over heels for a female boxer by the name of Princess. She'd been there a long time and had developed that institutionalised mentality; resigned to her fate. I'd walked up to her pen and managed to coax her to the door. We sat there for a little while, 'chatting', while I tried to stroke her through the gate.
Unfortunately, we can't have a dog. We don't have the money, we're both technically working full-time - and the terms of our house rent forbids it.
That meant that, after Julie came back to get me, I had to stand and leave Princess behind.
She started crying, and it broke my heart.

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More recently, we were out on a drive and had stopped in Hythe in Kent. It was lunchtime and we walked along the semi-pedestrianised high street, peering into various cafes. Hythe was busy, and the cafes reflected this, so we kept walking, hoping to find somewhere a little quieter.

Enter Truly Scrumptious.


As you can see, it's set back from the street a little, sharing a courtyard with some other establishments.
It seemed to be a little quieter than the other places, so we decided to give it a shot.
As we walked in, we heard rock 'n' roll music playing; that was a plus for me, as you all-too-often find that the omnipresent Heart FM will be worming its way through the cafe speakers. As I headed up to the counter to ask whether they had soy milk (I also have a milk intolerance), I was gratified to see the largest collection of teas and infusions I have ever seen outside of a supermarket. Heck - I've seen supermarkets with less of a range. Apparently, tea is an obsession of a level normally associated with coffee drinkers for one of the owners. That said, I was told that her husband (sorry! I forgot to ask your names!) is precisely that sort of coffee enthusiast.

Fancy a brew? Of course you do.

In the end, after some agonising over the infusions, I went for a pot of our celebrated favourite, Lapsang Souchong - with soy - and a plate of chips with cheese and chilli. Julie just had a sausage inna bun and a bottle of Coke.

As we waited for our order, more people arrived. In fact, it rather looked as though we had got there and ordered just in time to beat the rush. Some stayed inside, some went and sat outside. Mind you, since they had dogs with them, the cafe policy meant they had to remain outside.
We were sat next to a large plate glass window, and a couple arrived with their dog to sit at the table just outside from us.

Oh, but what a dog.

This is Finn. What a handsome chap.

Obviously, there is a large amount of spaniel going on there and since my family had had an English Springer before, I was definitely melting inside. At our table, my tea arrived, much to Julie's disgust. I paid it hardly any heed. The same went for the i crossword we were poring over. I was trying to decipher the clues, but I kept being distracted by the dog outside.

In the end, Julie gave up, exasperated in a good-humoured way.


Er, what? I think you'll find that's stroked' or 'petted', love.

Of course, I did give in to my impulse and went outside to introduce myself to the dog and his humans.* As it turned out, the dog went by the name of Finn and had an interesting story.
Finn was found wandering the streets, somewhere in Ireland (I forgot to ask which Ireland. Mea Culpa). When he was picked up, he was taken to one of the Dogs' Trust centres in Scotland and from there, he was then adopted by a couple from Suffolk. And there I was, an ex-pat Brummie (Birmingham) from Eastbourne,  on a day out to a Kentish town bumping into an Irish dog and his new family. Cool.

Apparently, Finn is a cross-breed, a mix of Springer spaniel and setter, the latter explaining the grey spotting on his coat. Funnily enough, his humans (whose names I also neglected to note. Sorry!), had always said they didn't want a spaniel, because they had had experience with them before and found that, like me and Skip, spaniels can be just a tad brainless.
Happily, Finn cast a spell upon them, and they were immediately smitten.
As was I.
>sigh<
Oh well. At least I didn't have to worry about Finn's future, he now had a good home, it would appear.

SERIOUS BIT
OK folks, I want to make a little request here.
If, like me, you want to have a dog for a companion, then I would like to congratulate you on your choice. However, when you go looking for one, please be careful about the people and places you get them from. Puppy farms are not illegal, but if you do go this route, be very sure that they are registered with all the proper authorities, and that the animals have had all the shots and medication, with the documentation to prove it.
Please don't buy from a small ad in a local newspaper, or via some unknown on the internet.
In fact, considering the amount of dogs that escape, are discarded or rescued from owners who mistreated them, why not go to a rescue centre, be a hero and rescue a dog yourself. You'll feel even better when you 'fondle' them, then.

*Yes, I did make a fuss of Finn. He was a happy dog, as most Springer spaniels are, and his grin and his energy was infectious. Yes, I felt a lot happier for his presence.

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Tongue-twisting tea for two



A few days ago, me and Julie were out for a walk and went to The Plantation tea and coffee house in Eastbourne. One of the reasons I like going there is that it's usually a little less noisy than the normal places. Another is that it has that sort of semi-colonial vibe going, with wood and wicker furniture and decorations.
The main reason I like the place, though, is the range of tea varieties on offer.

As some our longer-term readers will recall, I am rather fond of a cup of brown joy. From the moment I get up, enjoying at least two cups of standard tea (often known as English Breakfast). Unlike the good Professor Elemental, however, I will also partake of a herbal infusion or two. Summer berries, chamomile, blueberry and apple (don't knock it; it's actually really rather nice) are all favourites. I'm even rather partial to white tea and green tea, although the latter, for me, needs to be tempered with another flavour - lemon's good.

Above all of those, my personal favourite is lapsang souchong.

It has a smoky aroma and flavour, but it's quite mild. If you have tried Earl Grey, then just imagine a halfway point between that and normal black tea. Mmmmmmm...

Julie, however, is not a fan. Give her 'normal' tea any day. In fact, it's not just the taste that turns her off. The smell is not particularly appealing to her either. Remember this Gem?

Ladies, gentlemen and hedgehogs, I'll let you into a little secret. Since I shared that little Gem with you all, we have discussed both it and the tea itself on numerous occasions. And you know what? I don't think Julie has once managed to pronounce the name correctly - nor has she managed to repeat any single version. Even when faced with 'Lobsang dipshit', poor Julie's brain reacts with 'bugger that' and throws out any old collection of syllables.

Like the other day. Since this little cafe has an especially nice blend of Lapsang Souchong, I generally go for that. I have tried others - the gunpowder green tea is flavoursome - but it's usually the Lobsa... er, Lapsang Souchong.*
When the waitress brought the teapots over, Julie was curious as to what I had ordered.


Heh. It reminds me of that famous tongue twister,
"The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick."
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* Um. I have a confession to make. That point where I made a joke of typing the false name before switching to the real one? I wasn't faking it. At some point between my brain and my fingers, the message got garbled and I started typing 'Lobsang dipshit' as an automatic reflex... Oh well.

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***NEWS***

I received an email yesterday from the organisers of World Book Night 2013 - apparently, my copies of Jasper Fforde's The Eyre Affair have arrived and should be ready for me to collect. Expect a special post very soon!

Friday, 1 March 2013

The conundrum of the cupcake in the container

When we reached Canterbury, there were two things foremost in our minds, both of which involved liquids. Lucky for us, then, that we very soon stumbled across the most delightful tearoom.


Set in one of the oldest buildings in Canterbury, there is much that is good about this place. The tea is loose leaf and you have a varied selection. For something more substantial, there is a special menu based around the theme of eggs benedict, along with a few daily specials. However, if you are not in the mood for cooked food, then you could always sample the baked wares, of which there are plenty and of wide enough variety to give you much pause for thought.
The portions will also give you pause for thought, too. The kind of thought that goes, "I'm not sure I can finish this..."

One cake caught my eye immediately - it was a cupcake in a jar...

Please note these are not from Tiny Tim's. I didn't get a photo of
those cakes, so I pinched this from The Swelle Life. Link at the end.

What a brilliant idea; if you didn't want to eat it at that time, you could take it away and maybe even give it to someone as a little gift. I was very much taken with this idea, as was Julie when I mentioned them to her. Unfortunately, Julie is a little... traditional in her cooking methods, and had difficulty in working out the mechanism of the concept...


When I pointed out that the cakes had actually been baked inside the jars, Julie was a tad incredulous. I had trouble with the situation myself; I facepalmed hard enough the thump drew attention from the other customers.

In case you're interested in having a go, here's a recipe for carrot cake in a jar; a good idea for Easter, perhaps?
Why not visit The Swelle Life - they feature some amazing baked products.
Finally, here's the site for the Tiny Tim's Tearoom - which is also allegedly haunted!

Monday, 28 January 2013

The Great Irish Pizza Palaver

It all began innocently enough.

Julie and me were out for the day and had stopped in a cafe for a cup of tea. Known as Number 48, this cafe in Bexhill is a veritable delight for someone like me. Not only is it one of the few that offer the option of soy milk (as I am lactose intolerant, it's a help), but they also open in the evenings to have music and food nights. You pay an entry fee, and that gets you in to see the music - anything from country and western through to mod and folk - and a nice meal into the bargain. Sometimes the food is a curry, other times a lasagne or a cottage pie. I like folk music, and was interested (and amused) to see a billing for a 'traditional Irish folk band; The Leprechauns'.

No stereotyping there, obviously (cough, cough).
The food on offer that night is to be - you guessed it - Irish stew. I quite like Irish stew when it's done properly, but I will be honest and admit that the best I have tasted was when in Ireland. What I didn't know was if Julie had tried it.


Oh dear.
Then a thought struck me. You can have an almost infinite combination of toppings on a pizza, so who was I to pooh-pooh the notion of there being an 'Irish pizza'? I have to admit though that my mind shied away from a couple of possible ingredients. Black pudding (aka blood sausage in some parts of the world), white pudding and potatoes are all very tasty in various dishes. The idea of plonking them atop a stodgy bread base, however, just doesn't do anything for me.

Google to the rescue.

A few options came up, but most were essentially combining the words 'Irish' and 'pizza' in the description of an eatery, rather than the creation of a specific dish. The closest thing I could find was something on the recipe site The Daily Meal.
More worrying was a link to Urban Dictionary. For those not aware of this site, it provides definitions for slang and 'street' terms. You can see why I was a tad wary of going there.
But go I did.
Oh hell.

There were two definitions. The first was a 'pizza pie doused in whiskey' - which sounds vile. This wasn't as troubling as the second definition, though.


What.
The.
Hell?

********* UPDATE! *********

Many thanks to Scribe (who also felt the need to comment below) for actually managing to find a half-decent pan pizza recipe with a strong and genuine Irish theme.


Made with a potato farl base, this actually seems doable and tasty...
Fancy a go? Pop along to Tangled Noodle and have a gander at the recipe...

Monday, 7 January 2013

Scenes from a cafe

Sorry about the absence. It's been a crappy time.
Here's something to ease our way back into your hearts - although I have to admit to pinching this wholesale from one of my friends on Facebook.


I have posted stuff from notalwaysright.com before, the site that provides a does of idiots, bigots and lunatics, all masquerading as customers. Today, I bring you fresh insights from a friend who works in a cafe.



Would you like milk or cream with your coffee sir?
"Yes please"


"Black coffee please"
There you go madam
"Could I have some milk please"
You said black coffee madam...
"Yes but I want milk in it..."


"Latte please"
[later...]
"I cant drink this coffee its too milky"


"I don't want this scone, its knobbly. I want a more even shaped one."


"I would like another cup of coffee, this one is all frothy" 
But you asked for a Cappuccino sir...


"Could you clear that table please?"
Can't you sit at one of the 8 tables around it that don't need clearing?


"Oh hello...ooh..what shall I have (after being in the queue 5 minutes) ooh that looks nice, oh so does that..ooh I shouldn't really ( 4 people behind her) I'll have a slice of that. Oh no I better not, Id better have a sandwich because I have to pic Jessica up from swimming then Tarquin up from fencing and I shall be starving" (6 people behind her) 
What drink can I get you while you decide madam?
"Ooh, er..I'll have a, er, ooh, a latte...oh no I'll have a cappuccino so I can have chocolate on top (7 people behind) I shouldn't really if being just after Xmas and all but I will because little Charles has kept me running around all day because my nanny is on holiday, but can I have skinny milk? Oh and would you put it in a cup not a mug." (9 people behind her..tapping their feet)
Have you decided what you would like to eat?
"Yes, I'll have a cheese and ham sandwich. Is it lean ham? Only I hate fat, could chef trim it?"
Yes madam
"oh lovely. Thank you. What cheese is it? Is it proper cheddar? Its not that ready sliced cheese is it?"
No madam its mature cheddar. Anything else for you?
"Um, ah, oh shall I take a cake for my husband ooh er...oh I can't decide.. (11 people loosing the will to live)...
[This happens every time she comes in]


"Do you have tea spoons?"
Yes, they are in the basket in front of you, six inches from your right hand.


"Do you have serviettes?"
Yes, they are in the basket by the teaspoons...


"What coffees do you serve?"
They are listed on the 3 foot high black board on the wall directly behind and above my head.


"I'd like a prawn sandwich please with the crusts cut off"

[later...]
"I say this sandwich is a bit small!"
That's because its missing its crusts sir..


"I'd like a breakfast but with no sausage and no bacon"
Would you like a vegetarian breakfast madam?
"No thank you, I want the full English without the meat.."
...yes, madam...


"Can I have a vegetarian breakfast with extra bacon please?"
Would you prefer a normal full English?
"Oh no, I don't eat sausages, I don't eat pork."
Yes, sir. How much bacon would you like?..




So - I think you can see just why my friend likes to let off some steam every now and then.

Friday, 30 December 2011

Down at Le Café Crazy

It was some years ago that I first came across the concept of a cream tea. In my teens, I would be on family trips and see them on menus, but choose not to have them. As it happened, nobody else had them either, so any curiosity I may have had at the time remained unassuaged.
Some years later, I had dropped ignominiously out of college and everything was, for quite some time operating on a shoestring. Eventually though, things got better and I could then afford to go places. One of the first things I did do was take a trip to a large family event that was taking place quite some distance away. Since the invite was for guest 'plus one' and my sister was taking her current beau - one of my friends - I asked if it was OK to bring along another friend as my '+1'. This friend was the fourth and final member of our little coterie and would have been the only uninvited member. This was OK'd (even though it led to long-running speculation upon my sexual preferences), so we all booked rooms in the same B&B near the party.
The four of us arrived a day early for the party, so we decided to venture out into town (Southend), just to get our bearings. After a while, we decided to take a breather and stopped at a cafe. My friend looked at the menu and opted for the cream tea. I was curious by now about what a cream tea entailed, but I had never ordered one, just in case it meant a cup of tea with cream instead of milk. As it turned out, a cream tea is a pot of tea, one or two scones, some jam and a portion of cream (clotted cream for preference).


NB - many cafes mistakenly include butter with the cream tea. Wrong - this is why you should use clotted cream, because it is effectively replacing the butter. Cut open the scone, spread some cream and then spoon some jam on top. Oh yes - and the scones should be freshly baked to, so they crumble slightly when you bite into them.
Yum.
Anyway... where was I? Oh yes.
Fast forward to the present. I have since met, fallen in love with, and married Julie.
This weekend just gone, the two of us were out and about and popped by a cafe called Neates Cakery. As you can guess, they have a certain specialisation. And believe me, they do very well in that area - here's the menu:


And here's their basic(!) selection of cakes - usually also available as cupcakes.

Pity the website isn't complete - they're on Facebook though.
Lovely cakes, eh?
In the end, though, I went for a tuna/cheese melt panini, and Julie opted for the cream tea. Well, there was a little moment of hesitation before the final decision was made.


Seriously?
If it wasn't bad enough, I've actually lost count of the amount of times, Julie has had, or at the very least shared, a cream tea. Oh, deary me.

Monday, 13 June 2011

Taking a position on height issues

 A new chocolate-themed cafe opened up in town last weekend, so we thought we would drop by and have a drink and maybe a bite to eat. (before anyone says anything, I had a mozzarella and tomato sandwich, no chocolate. OK, so Julie did have a crêpe covered with melted Belgian chocolate.)
Boy, was it busy. Mind you, it may have something to do with the fact they had an opening offer of 25% off all items for sale.

>sigh< OK, OK. I bought a bar of white chocolate with poppy seeds and lemon flavouring.
Anyway. We were sat down at a table, and I made the comment that my chair appeared to be a little taller than Julie's. My wife disagreed and said it was probably just me. As she explained;




As it happens, she's spot on. I am taller than her. However, what Julie meant to say was that while I may be taller overall, I'm taller in the body than she is, so I'd be taller than her when.. we're.. sat... down.
Er. 
I'm not helping, here, am I?

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

The obvious is so bright, I gotta wear shades (part 2)

(for part one, click here.)

It's been lovely weather lately, the kind of sunny days where you go out for a stroll and sit outside a café or pub, and watching the world go by as you sip at your beer, tea or latte....
...and just drift off into a contemplative haze...
...mmm...

Whu? Oh, so sorry - I must have slipped into a little reverie just then.
A few weekends ago, me and Julie were doing exactly this. We had been talking, but this had gradually wound to a halt as we kicked back and relaxed. It was a pretty bright day and we were both wearing sunglasses. After a while, I suddenly became aware that Julie was waving a hand at me to get my attention.




How else are you supposed to wear sunglasses? Polite, physically possible suggestions are welcome.