Badgered

Ready for a quick blast of Cute?

Baby badgers; so young their eyes have yet to open.

Julie found this delightful image somewhere, and I insisted she shared it with me - by private message on Facebook, so it wouldn't get lost in every other post I see.
I had an ulterior motive, though. Lovely as these badgers were,* it was Julie's comment that cracked me up.

Nope.
Just to clarify; these are baby platypuses:

And these are baby badgers:

They're all cute, and they are all (roughly) mammalian. Other than that, nope. Not the same.

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* By the way; baby badgers might look cute, but adult badgers are vicious buggers and are roughly the size of a Staffordshire Bull Terrier - and with roughly the same temperament when pissed off. Don't mess with them.

Half dog, half monotreme.

You may have noticed that Julie is somewhat of a whimsical frame of mind. You will be very pleased to know that this has not changed a jot since Roxy entered our lives.

A crossbreed of Staffie and bulldog makes for a very solid dog, and there is no denying that when Roxy opens a door, it tends to stay open. Similarly, when she decides to cuddle up to you, you will definitely know about it - and hopefully be very glad you were already sitting down.

However, Julie is one for pet names, and when combined with her leftfield sense of humour, it can prove to be a tad confusing. For me, if not the dog - especially when Julie appears to be rummaging around in the back pocket of Roxy's genes...

Three things: No, of course Roxy didn't answer to it. And you know what, the first thing that came to mind was a paraphrasing of Monty Python's classic 'Brian' scene, "She has a fwiend, you know... Incontintentia Buttox."*

The third thing was a corker. I always try and illustrate a Gem if I can, but when I typed in 'dog platypus hybrid', I have to admit I wasn't expecting anything.
Silly me.
First bloody result from Google image search was this beauty.

Image is the sole copyright of Evelar.

Evelar is a digital artist on deviantArt. If you click on THIS LINK, you can see the picture in all its glory. Please do visit the page, and browse the amazing art therein.

Of course, there was no way I was going to miss a chance to share a classic bit of comedy with you...

*In true Monty Python fashion, there were four things that occurred to me - the other one, of course, being that this was going to be yet another platypost...

The placing of the platypus

Once more, we return to the veritable minefield that is Trivial Pursuit. And to what is apparently becoming the signature beastie for Julie's Gems - the platypus.

Just when you thought the pesky thing couldn't cause us any more trouble, up pops its leathery beak. In all fairness though, the problem isn't due to our mighty monotreme. Instead, it's human hearing all the way. That, and the serial misunderstandings that begin once Julie asks me the question...

Now, why does Abbott & Costello come to mind...

For those of a curious mind, here's where Tasmania happens to reside.

The platypus and the identity crisis.

I don't tend to watch TV that much. This means I need to find an alternative method of finding out the news. Sure, in these times the internet is pretty much the source for all the news you could ever want - and don't want. Or isn't true. Whatever. I'm not that old, in my mid-forties, but I'm certainly of an age and disposition that I prefer to read a newspaper, printed on paper.

Obviously, the question then becomes 'which newspaper'? No way am I going to read the parochial Daily Mail and the Princess Diana-fixated Daily Express. Likewise, I want to actually read news about real things, so that eliminates The Sun and the Daily Star. After that, you then turn you what are known as the broadsheets; The Times and The Guardian. However, they are known as broadsheets for a very good reason - their size. I'm sorry, but I don't want to have to wrestle with my newspaper. Also, I have to admit that while I like to think of myself as being better than reading the redtops with their pictures of topless women, The Guardian and especially The Times are far too highbrow for me.

This leads me to The independent..
However, buying a newspaper every day is a tad pricey, especially when you don't have much money coming in. And this is where the people at The Independent had a cracking idea - why not publish a digest version of the main newspaper - give the main points for each story and then move on.
Since The Independent by definition and reputation is fairly unbiased in its political leanings, this is another point in its favour for me. Also, since the i, as the digest paper is known (including the colour), necessarily cuts out a lot of stuff for the sake of space, this means there is a lot, lot less celebrity crap.
Oh, and the paper is stapled, so no trouble with keeping it all together.
All for 20p (30p on Saturdays, as it covers the weekend).

The i is a great read, for me at least, but there is one feature that Julie, my mother and me all enjoy; the crossword at the back. It's general knowledge, and of moderate difficulty. One feature of this crossword is especially fun for us - the first two (sometimes three) clues across make up a pun. For example, the answer to the across clues could be 'Hart' (a stag) and felt (a soft material, often used for hats). If you put them together, you then get 'heartfelt'. Not a funny pun, but it's a little something just to help you along.

Recently, both Julie and myself found ourselves momentarily stumped by a particular clue.

14A Diving duck (6)

Since other answers had given us _C___R, we should have had enough to work with. Unfortunately neither of us are bird-watchers, and I had a headache in any case. Since our habit is to pass the crossword back and forth, each filling in until we get stuck, did that. and then we fell back on our normal practice; trying to talk it out. We worried at a couple of other problematic clues for a while, and then returned to our diving duck. Initially, we both sat in silence, trying to think is through, but then we tried our emergency option - wild guesses.
On this occasion, the wild guesses were to get a little wilder than before...

Obviously, Julie was in quite a whimsical frame of mind.

By the way, the answer to the clue was 'scoter' (to be honest, I'd never have got that). Have a look at the RSPB page for it.

Platypuses. Now with inferiority complexes

Yes, it's the return of the Platyposts!
As if the poor beast wasn't enough of an outsider, eh? Restricted in their habitat to one of the less-welcoming islands in the world, an appearance that even the chimera-mad Victorians thought was too unbelievable and one of the incredibly small number of venomous mammals on this planet. Mind you, on Tasmania, venom, poison (yes, there is a difference) and simple aggression seem almost de rigueur.
On top of all that, they have Julie (and, I have to admit, plenty of others) to contend with. I mean, if the platypus didn't already have an identity crisis courtesy of its looks, then Julie somehow mistaking it for almost every other creature under the sun is really going to mess with its mind. Remember the conversation I had with her back in January? For those who want to stick with this page, here's the majority of our exchange.

(By the way, as Kevin, one of the winners in our recent
prize draw will know already, the above image
is the first official Julie's Gems bookmark)

Yeah. Still gets me every time, that one does.
And it gets worse. Not content with taxonomical confusion, Julie has now decided it's time to get personal.
I can't recall the original conversation, but we were looking at a series of pictures of baby animals and going through the obligatory 'oohs' and 'aahs'. And then we came to this one.

Considering the recent brou-ha-ha about platypuses, this picture tickled me. I especially loved the way their skin appears to be several sizes too large for them. Julie, however, was not impressed.

There's just no convincing some folk, is there? I nearly asked what she thought they could have been instead, but I've just finished my medication...

Oh, no! Not ANOTHER Platy-post?!

Scott's clear on this one. So is Julie.
This one is ALL Sharron.

Having previously posted about my father's input to the Great Platypus Debate, one of our long-time followers (and, indeed, contributors) to Julie's Gems commented on the aforementioned post's link on the Gems Facebook Page* with a video reference to a popular Disney cartoon called Phineas and Ferb. Apparently, it's a multi-award winning show, but that's not important. What IS important is Perry the Platypus. Perry is a family pet, a rather dim-witted platypus. Amiable enough, but (apparently) dumber than a sack of spanners. Except that Perry also goes by the name of Agent P and is a secret agent for the wonderfully named O.W.C.A. (Organisation Without a Cool Acronym - how refreshingly honest, wot?)

Original source, Crystallinepeace on deviantArt.

Before we go any further, and to prevent any possible confusion, NO, platypuses are NOT turquoise. Nor are they anthropomorphic secret agents. It's not real.
Sorry.
Here, have a tissue.

Ok, then, getting back to it, it seems there was a specific episode that Sharron had in mind, one called 'Brain Drain'. In this, Agent P's nemesis, the nefarious Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, was not only getting on the platypus's bad side, but also his teenage daughter's. Cutting a long story short, following a tussle between the two enemies, the bad doctor ends up crashing his daughter's party. If you check out the title of this clip, then you'll see just why Sharron chose this clip. And yes, she does have children, so she has an excuse for watching cartoons. Unlike you or me...

No, it's not a Gem, but I like it, and it was kinda cool to carry on the theme.
Will there be any more Platy-posts?
Only the gods know, and they ain't telling.


 *why aren't you a fan? Go and do it now!

The Great Platypus Debate rambles on...

Oh deary me. First, Scott decides that being different equates to being a platypus. Then, Julie joins in and gets herself, me and pretty much the rest of the world confused about how a platypus may be different from, say, a tortoise. And now my father joins in. You may recall that, when the mood strikes him, he can be as whimsical and off-beat as my lovely wife. And that, when the two of them get together, all you can do is sit back and try to stay afloat. Because once they're off, you have no chance of keeping up with the glorious oddities the pair construct from thin air.
It's quite charming, actually, that my father gets on so well with Julie - almost better than he does with me, I sometimes wonder, but that's fine with me. In my opinion, Julie is one of the personable people I know. It's almost impossible to not like her, she's that scattily charming. And considering that I'd always said (before they met) that Dad would be the one Julie would have to be the one to win over; Mum being so staunchly liberal it's beautiful.

Recently, we visited my folks and we were playing Scrabble (yes, there WILL be a Scrabble-themed Gem along soon...), and talking about what had been featured on Julie's Gems. Naturally, The Great Platypus Debate reared its unique head. I didn't have a computer handy, so I referred to the original notes I had jotted down in my omnipresent pad.

"Are platypuses like giant tortoises?"
"...no."
"Well, they're similar shapes, aren't they?"
"...no.""They're both flat aren't they?"
"...no."

At this point, amidst the general laughter around the table, Dad decided to side with Julie in his own little way

Although I wouldn't put it past someone to try. Before various animal welfare societies heard about it, obviously...

Julie and the great platypus debate

Cyfarchion o Gymru! I'm in Cardiff today, on another part of the second Spikeyboy tour. And yet - I'm still managing to update, despite not having a laptop or smartphone. Ain't I good to you? Then too, there was the fact I really needed to get this Gem/set of Gems up and ready fairly quickly, or else they would lose relevance.

On Friday, Julie's Gems introduced you to a lateral-thinking young chap by the name of Scott. Apparently innocently, Scott likened the object of his friend's affections to a platypus, in that she too was unique. The thing is, what with all the different approaches by various people to this subject, all making their own Gems, I felt there wasn't room to add a photo of the poor animal, and instead gave a short description and a link to its Wiki-page.
As it turns out, this may have been a serious oversight on my part, as Julie only took away the sketchiest of ideas of what a platypus looks like. Then again, considering just how much material I came away with, it may have been the ultimate blessing in disguise. You see, Julie had read the post and was wondering about the platypus's appearance...

I mean, seriously. I'm sure I said 'mammal' when I described it last time... didn't I?

Er.. what? Time for a little comparison, methinks.

A giant tortoise - with a human for some scale.

Two platypuses - being held by a human. For scale.

So - what do you say to that, Julie?

Seriously?? Surely you can't get any worse..?

<facepalm>
We were talking about all the above while I let my pen cool down, and as I was reading them out so Julie could also have a giggle (believe me, she does laugh at herself, too), Julie asked me what the difference in appearance was, and what I objected to, concerning her defining common point. When I said that while platypuses may be fairly low to the ground, a high-domed shell is one of the major features of a giant tortoise. Sadly, one of Julie's defining features is a general unwillingness to let go of an idea.

Uh... what? Um.. I suppose you have a point, love, but I think the animal protection societies might come down on you like a ton of bricks...
Back home, Julie was determined to make her point and was busy googling images of platypuses and tortoises. After a slight confusion thanks to a rogue picture of an echidna (also a monotreme), Julie felt satisfied she had been vindicated.

On the other side of the table, I gave her The Look and reached for my pen once more. When I went around to have a look, it turned out, Julie was mixing up tortoises for turtles. To avoid yet more animal-related shenanigans, I avoided the matter completely, by giving her a helpless look and walking away.

Admirable cross-species logic.

As the title implies, this Gem involves logic, rather than the lack of it. However, as you are probably well aware, logic, when applied by certain people (politicians, people who deal in statistics, children, Julie), can be equally off-putting. And, when applied expertly, completely baffling.
Today's Gem - or, I should say, the first part of it, comes courtesy of a conversation between two friends of the daughter of a friend of mine.
Er.
I'll try that again.
At school, one day, Scott and a friend of his were talking about a certain female acquaintance, one who was held in much high esteem by Scott's friend.

And Scott does have logic firmly on his side. In case you are unaware, the duck-billed platypus (or Ornithorhynchus anatinus) is an Australian mammal, but one with very curious attributes. It is one of very few animals classed as 'monotremes', while literally translates as 'one hole'. you see, unlike most mammals, monotremes have only one hole for evacuation of waste and reproductive processes. Not only that, but they also lay eggs, rather than giving birth to live young. This means that these odd creatures represent an extremely old part of mammalian evolution, showing us a spot somewhere between reptiles and true mammals. They're also somewhat venomous and are capable of giving an unwary human some real discomfort.
When this story was related to me, I laughed and immediately declared it worthy of appearing here. My young friend then spoke to Scott, giving him the good (?) news.

Pretty insistent, isn't he? Mind you, I'm not too sure about his life ambition. I wouldn't mind being there when he tells his careers master what he wants to be. The look on the guy's face ought to be worth the travel costs alone.
Of course, Julie agrees with Scott, expressing it in her own inimitable manner.

Logical, if not entirely eloquent, love.