Tongue-twisting tea for two

A few days ago, me and Julie were out for a walk and went to The Plantation tea and coffee house in Eastbourne. One of the reasons I like going there is that it's usually a little less noisy than the normal places. Another is that it has that sort of semi-colonial vibe going, with wood and wicker furniture and decorations.
The main reason I like the place, though, is the range of tea varieties on offer.

As some our longer-term readers will recall, I am rather fond of a cup of brown joy. From the moment I get up, enjoying at least two cups of standard tea (often known as English Breakfast). Unlike the good Professor Elemental, however, I will also partake of a herbal infusion or two. Summer berries, chamomile, blueberry and apple (don't knock it; it's actually really rather nice) are all favourites. I'm even rather partial to white tea and green tea, although the latter, for me, needs to be tempered with another flavour - lemon's good.

Above all of those, my personal favourite is lapsang souchong.

It has a smoky aroma and flavour, but it's quite mild. If you have tried Earl Grey, then just imagine a halfway point between that and normal black tea. Mmmmmmm...

Julie, however, is not a fan. Give her 'normal' tea any day. In fact, it's not just the taste that turns her off. The smell is not particularly appealing to her either. Remember this Gem?

Ladies, gentlemen and hedgehogs, I'll let you into a little secret. Since I shared that little Gem with you all, we have discussed both it and the tea itself on numerous occasions. And you know what? I don't think Julie has once managed to pronounce the name correctly - nor has she managed to repeat any single version. Even when faced with 'Lobsang dipshit', poor Julie's brain reacts with 'bugger that' and throws out any old collection of syllables.

Like the other day. Since this little cafe has an especially nice blend of Lapsang Souchong, I generally go for that. I have tried others - the gunpowder green tea is flavoursome - but it's usually the Lobsa... er, Lapsang Souchong.*
When the waitress brought the teapots over, Julie was curious as to what I had ordered.

Heh. It reminds me of that famous tongue twister,

"The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick."

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* Um. I have a confession to make. That point where I made a joke of typing the false name before switching to the real one? I wasn't faking it. At some point between my brain and my fingers, the message got garbled and I started typing 'Lobsang dipshit' as an automatic reflex... Oh well.

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***NEWS***

I received an email yesterday from the organisers of World Book Night 2013 - apparently, my copies of Jasper Fforde's The Eyre Affair have arrived and should be ready for me to collect. Expect a special post very soon!

Running and rambling

A while back, one of Julie's colleagues announced that she was going to take part in the Cancer Research Race for Life.

At the time, we congratulated her and didn't think much of it. After all, there is so much in the way of charity events taking place these days.
And then, in July last year, my father was diagnosed with a massive and aggressive brain tumour. Less than six weeks later, he died.
After that, our heightened sensibilities couldn't help but notice that so many people's lives had been touched by cancer. It's been tough, to be sure, but we're coming to terms with it now. Yes, we do find ourselves in situations that affect us. The first time I saw this video was hard for me, but I now see it as a positive thing.

Back to our friend. When she told us of her intention to take part in this, we wished her well and backed away. Not from sponsoring, but from the actual activity. You see, neither Julie nor myself are what you could term 'svelte' or 'athletic'. Not by a long shot. For my part, I like to walk; I'm built for a slow, solid pace and Julie is generally happy to accompany me.
Running? Uh... no, thanks.

Julie put it slightly differently, of course.

Heh. Dad would have loved that one.

Go forth and do baffle!

The weather in our part of the world have been fairly constant for the last few months; Variations on three central themes - cold, wet and windy. The days where it has been none of those three have been very rare and it's been wet enough that I don't think we'll have to worry about any hosepipe bans until at least April...

For a driver, those low temperatures, the rain and the high winds can be especially problematic. In fact, possibly the worst of the lot is the wind.

My own car is not a large car, but that's not necessarily a bad thing, as it means it catches a lot less of any strong gusts. The works van, on the other hand is a different prospect. It's not a large van by any stretch of the imagination, but there is a noticeable difference, one I definitely noticed when I one day moved from an enclosed banked stretch of road onto a very exposed bridge crossing an estuary. I was already overtaking a car when a side wind suddenly blasted from the left. I'm pretty sure I left dents in the steering wheel from the grip...

Yeesh. So very glad I'm not a truck driver by profession.

I was talking about this incident to Julie recently; I had been reminded of it by the very strong winds that were currently blasting through Eastbourne and the south of England in general. In fact, I wouldn't have been surprised if the bus company had suspended services along the coast road East of Brighton. It's a very exposed stretch of road with a sheer cliff dropping into the English Channel, so it's fair enough that the company doesn't really relish the idea of a busload of people being suddenly swept off by the wind to a watery doom.

Sat in the relative comfort of our front room, however, we had the heater on full blast, a mug each of nice, hot tea, and feeling very happy to be on that side of the window. I took a sip of Lapsang Suchong and grimaced as a fresh gust sent a wheeled dustbin skittering down the road.

It may have been a tad windy outside, but my mind had just been very effectively blown.

By the way, this is the Forth rail bridge - the Forth on the Firth of Forth...

That's what I'M talking about!

Here in Britain, we have been gradually switching our TV signals from analogue to digital. Essentially, it should give us more channels and a clearer picture. What it really meant was a lot of people suddenly finding that they can't watch the four or five channels they were happy with. Well, not unless they either forked out a small amount for a digital adapter, or for a new TV and/or aerial.

What with all of that, we were discussing whether it was worth our while switching our phone line/internet provider to someone that deals with TV too. We looked at details for a while, bit it evidently all got a bit too much for Julie. all those details, comparisons, offers, etc. Julie looked at me and tried to tell me what offer may have been the best - or was it that she wasn't bothered at all? Or maybe she meant something else? I was completely lost, to be honest. And it seemed I wasn't alone...

Uh....
...what..?

Pinocchio vs Prince Charming

OK, so here's something of a classic scene from an OK film. Shrek the third had some good moment, but they were generally lost in a morass of bad ideas. Much as I liked Monty Python, having Eric Idle play the same role as he always does was not a good moment. Even worse, he couldn't even do THAT well.

However, one of the saving graces in the film was the moment when Prince Charming tried to quiz the Gingerbread Man as to Shrek's whereabouts.

When this scene played out, I just looked at Julie, who was suddenly very interested in how badly the carpet needed vacuuming...

By the way. This is one of my other favourite scenes. Seeing Snow White go all badass is pretty... well, badass. Plus Led Zeppelin were amazing.
Then again, the scene where the bad guys invaded works well for me, too. Because it uses this excellent tune.

Happy Sunday, folks!

Oh, that bloody buddleja

We have a buddleja (or buddleia, if you prefer) in our front garden. It self-seeded, which was quite handy - as far as I'm concerned, that is. There's something of a difference of opinion regarding this 'butterfly bush' (so known because its blooms attract insects and butterflies in abundance). I'm all for it - helping butterflies and other pollinating insects is a good thing as far as I'm concerned - plus, I think it's really quite an attractive plant.

It's a hardy plant too - we've cut it down at the start of a winter season and it manages to grow back the following spring. This year, however, health matters have got in the way of gardening and both front and back (which is now a shrine to cat waste, sadly) are in fairly desperate need of attention. This has meant that the buddleja in the front, while I managed to lop off some of the main stems, has been allowed to carry on doing what it does best.

Annoying Julie.

You see, Julie is all for the bush looking pretty and attracting pretty things, but she's not so fond of it being so
close to the house - the windows in particular. Unfortunately, the front garden is not large, so there's not much option for the poor thing there. It doesn't help that the window cleaner uses it as an excuse to not clean that part of the window.
Julie likes things neat and tidy and in their own place.
I like nature to generally run its course and show its own beauty. Apart from the damn cats. They can take their own aspect of nature and let it run elsewhere. Preferably in their owners' gardens.
So, you see, there is a small conflict of interest.

With that in mind, may I present this particular exchange, one which took place as we were just leaving the house to go shopping. One which begins with me offering a gentle, humorous warning to Julie.

Out came the notepad...

All for none and none.. for... wait, what?

With thanks to a friend on Facebook for bringing this one up. This is right up Julie's street. It makes sense. You know it makes sense, but ... should it?

You got that?

Bill and Ben and the back pain list

Like I said a short while ago, I'm suffering from sciatica at the moment. It's eased off a lot now, after nearly a month off work, so I'm now back in the land of the gainfully employed. It's a bit of a struggle, I have to admit; after all, I still have the condition, to a lesser degree, and I also have to get my legs back into the idea of being up and about for an eight-hour day in a warehouse. Ah well. In a sense, though, I'm lucky because a couple of folks there have also suffered from the same or similar problems. In fact, the boss has pointed me in the direction of something that could help my back. It's called Back Magic (I see what you did there) and my boss says it's brilliant for his back pain and lingering sciatica.*
I mentioned this product to Julie one evening last week and while I was sprawled, semi-prone, in an armchair with cushions piled below me, she decided to have a look into this helpful whatnot.

Once I had finished laughing (sorry, love!), I reached for the pad and asked her to spell out the word she had stumbled on.
My word.
Apologies to Julie. After I wrote down the offending word - 'Spondylolisthesis' - I took a careful, slow run at it myself, breaking it down into syllables on the way. Even then, it was a bit of a git to utter aloud. So - fair enough, love - not your fault.

*It's unbelievable, the amount of times I have told people that my own version of sciatica begins in the hip and heads down the leg, rather than beginning in the lower back. Seriously, I keep telling the same people over and over, but they just don't seem to bloody listen. I'm thinking of bringing my doctor into work and getting him to do a presentation on sciatica...

This conversation is a real no-know.

Every now and then, Julie will ask me a question about something, or else the conversation will have just... happened, as they sometimes do. Unfortunately, these conversations also have a habit of getting away from themselves. Either we'll stray far beyond the original topic, or I'll forget myself and go into what Julie calls my 'Teaching Mode'. I'll try and explain things in too much detail and in an almost condescending manner, and Julie ends up either bored, lost in details or utterly confused by the terminology (sorry, love! I know I do it!).
When we're playing Trivial Pursuit, there's an obvious danger of this arising, and so it was to prove the other day. I have no idea what the question was or what we were talking about - for some reason, Julie's answer crowded out all that boring detail...

See what I mean? By the time I had managed to work my way through that sentence, everything that had gone before was not even a distant memory. What gets me is that it is all perfectly correct as far as grammar and internal logic goes; it's just that you lose track of where you are in the sentence each time you try and analyse it...

Tipping over backwards with a wotnot

You know that thing you were trying to remember just now? You know, the details of which are eluding you right now, if you could only rack your brains and bring it from the forefront of your mind? Yeah, that's the one. Thingy, wossname... oh bloody hell, I had it a moment ago.
How about you, Julie. Can you remember what we were thinking of?

Um. That's a 'no', then, is it?

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BTW - I hope you like the new header art; I 'borrowed' it from HaoleMcGee over on DeviantArt. Take a look, why don't you?

Dusty Springfield sang jazz, you know

Everyone has some inclination towards music, whether they have any ability or not. They like listening to it, going to concerts, singing along to the radio or even just idly humming the time away.
If nothing else, that is the one thing that connects us all; we'll find something to occupy a small, bored corner of our mind while we're working at some larger task

Take last Saturday. We were getting ready to go out and Julie walked into the hallway, half humming, half singing...

I am sure you can imagine it; I'm tying my bootlaces, when Julie's internal soundtrack suddenly becomes audible to the outside world.
Oh, and by the way, the word 'wotnot' features quite heavily in Julie's vocabulary. Usually, it's because her mouth can't be bothered to wait for the brain to supply the word she needs and simply inserts 'wotnot' instead. It can be quite entertaining, but when she's trying to give someone necessary details (such as directions while travelling), a 'wotnot' or two in the wrong place can be very off-putting...

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That's it for today. As with last week, I am out on the road and can't guarantee being able to provide an update on Wednesday.

Stop making sense, stop making sense, stop making sense, making sense aha haha!

"As we get older, we stop making sense" - according to Talking Heads, anyway. Me, I want to know when some people start making sense (he said, thinking of a colleague in particular).

Julie, on the other hand, does make sense a lot of the time, although you would never know it from today's Gem.
You know it's bad news when you try to defend your verbal slips and only wind up digging yourself into a hole so deep it looks like you got a JCB to do the job for you. We've all done it and we've all been embarrassed or even mortified by it. However, you know by the sheer fact I'm typing this here that Julie goes several orders of muck-up further than we mere mortals.
Her reaction to it? She bursts into laughter, as entertained by the whole affair as I am - and now you are.

With that, we shall bid you 'au revoir' and have a nice weekend, folks - see you next week for more vandalised verbs and nonsensical nouns!

ps - thanks to Daisy, there's a little bonus non-Julie Gem over on the Gem Facebook page.

Thinkception.

One of the more frequent questions I'm asked - sometimes by Julie herself - is just how does she come up with the stuff she does? I always pile in right away with a defence; she's not stupid, not by a long chalk. Nor is she, to use the parlance of the day, 'special' (ie, 'special needs). The only deficit I can honestly lay at my wife's feet is a certain lack of horizons and a parochial approach to expanding them.

No, if anything, Julie's Gems spring from the same dotty source as the original absent-minded professor; the type of person who can calculate pi to thirty-eight places in their head without blinking.* Ask them to perform a task outside of their expertise, though and they have a tendency to go to pieces.

Oh, and one more thing. Never, EVER ask such a person about the source of their particular genius. Otherwise, you may wind up facing a comment like this one...

*By the way, Julie's own expertise is as a first-class administrator with a fine line in withering put-downs...
Coming up Wednesday; a Gem from a most unexpected source...

Confusion isn't necessarily a one-person game.

Rounding off the week we have a couple of guest appearances. One by Britney Spears over on the Facebook fan page and one by myself right here. Yes, I know I'm often quoted here but I'm usually the witness, rather than an active participant in the proceedings.

This time is different. Julie has some assistance. Once again, a game of Trivial Pursuit provides the setting.

Just in case you were wondering, I was the one asking the original question, while Julie was answering. And questioning. I'm not helping here, am I..?

That's it for this week, have a great weekend and see you on the other side of it.
p.s. - don't forget to drop by the Facebook fan page to see some fan-only bonus material (courtesy of Catherine. Thanks for the link!).