It's a few days late (for which I apologise fulsomely), but here we go.
A couple of weeks ago, we opened a little free prize draw in which the gift in question was a brand-new copy of The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce. Today, after headaches, dead camera batteries and sheer fatigue, we can now reveal the three lucky winners of the books. Of course, this means you are going to be treated to another shambolic, utterly unscripted video clip from the two if us.
Here you go!
So there you have it - congratulations and hats off to the winners. Or is it hats on?
Once again, congratulations to Roy, Pierre and especially Nial - sorry - Iain... I suppose it wouldn't be right if we didn't manage to fit at least one Gem in there, would it?
I't double-dose Monday! However, a word of caution; NSFW if your boss is a humourless, puritanical dick.
A good friend of mine was out and about the other day, enjoying the sun and sea air. Out on the sea was a tug performing a display of its high pressure water jets. Now, there's a very obvious reason for these water jets, but one that seems to have completely passed by one observer...
Apparently, this woman was being entirely serious and seemed to be about to go and suggest to the owner of the tug a function he already performed.
Shortly after this, a young lady decided she wanted an ice-cream and approached a van for such a purpose. Now, I don't know about other countries, but here in Britain, ice cream vans sell a certain popular item; soft ice-cream from a machine doled out onto a bland wafer-type cone and then a Flake is rather unceremoniously prodded into the top of it all.
This combo is known for some bizarre reason as a '99' (don't ask me why, I have no idea - even the Wiki page isn't too clear on the whole thing). It's a singularly unappetising thing, but immensely popular - and I'll admit to not being immune to its charms on occasion. As was this next lady, who, it would appear, would not be able to list number skills on her CV...
My friend had to walk away at this point. It was either that or laugh in the woman's face...
Ok, so the free draw is now closed and the names have been gathered. I'm too tired and headachey to do the draw and video for it tonight, so expect it in the next couple of days (if you want to make a late entry to win a copy of the book, then nip in while you can!).
Julie was talking to one of her colleagues the other day. It was a pretty muggy and nothing was going right. This colleague said to Julie the following classic line; "My get up and go has got up and gone." My wife was duly sympathetic, but of course had to go that extra yard or three...
Obviously, the various parts of Julie's psyche have rather full lives themselves. Oh, and talking of which, this reminds me of something Julie has a little trouble with. It's just a little verbal slip, that's all, but she does find it hard to get the correct pronunciation for some words, despite many attempts to correct it. One good example is 'gesundheit'. For some reason, this keeps coming out as 'Good and tight', which is incongruous for the circumstances, to say the least.
However, it's when referring to her own... unique psyche that we have most fun. Especially when she refers to an alternative personality as an 'alto ego'. Not bad; if she lines her personalities up just right, she could sing Bohemian Rhapsody, complete with harmonies, all by herself.
Ah well, that's us for this week - see you next week and don't forget to put your name in for the free prize draw! After all - the closing date is tomorrow evening!
I'm not sure the world of words could withstand such a meeting, should time travel ever be invented to make such a meeting possible...
On the one hand, you have a nineteenth century American journalist, so disenchanted with the world that he was awarded the sobriquet of "Bitter Bierce". And then there's Julie, who has the same effect on conversations and lines of thought that a well-aimed kick between the legs has on walking.
Today, though, is the closest anyone ever thought they would come. Please watch the clip and allow me to explain (apologies for my lack of speaking skill. I know I'm boring, but Julie helps the situation quite nicely toward the end.
Obviously, that made everything clear as mud, I reckon.
Basically, I am offering up 3 copies of The Devil's Dictionary, a cynic's guide to the meaning of words. All you have to do to be in with a chance of winning one of these books is to send us an email at juliesgemsuk@hotmail.co.uk and leave your name and contact details (no phone numbers at all and addresses will only be asked for should you win one of the books. The closing date is Saturday July 23 2011.
Here's a couple of pictures of the Dictionary for you.
Now, because we're friendly people and we both know I'm not going to win any awards for my presentational style, here's a clip of Julie with her take on the book and the free draw. By the way and in case you were wondering, yes, there were a couple of aborted attempts in the making of this clip.
Well, yes. Are you freaked out yet? To be honest, if that clip didn't scare you a little, then that scares me.
Gah... no way to type that without it coming out all Gem'd.
Never mind - have a good weekend and enter that free draw!
