World Book Night 2013 is here!

We've been building up to this for weeks now, both here and on our Facebook page, with hints and teasers galore. Finally, we can now reveal our contribution to World Book Night 2013 in all its glory.

Way back when, I received news that I had been selected once more to be an official World Book Night 'giver'. The first time I did it, the book I chose was Stuart - A life backwards - that one proved to be difficult to hand out, and almost as difficult to read. Last year, it was Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman's Good Omens: The nice and accurate predictions of Agnes Nutter, witch. That went rather better - on several fronts.

This year, out of the twenty titles to choose from, I chose Jasper Fforde's The Eyre Affair. A thoroughly enjoyable and silly romp set in an England from another dimension, TEA shows you just how literally books can come to life.

I will set this blog entry to release at just after midnight April 23rd.
Why? Well, that way, early birds will get a chance to read this and maybe meet me at Roots Urban Farmshop in Eastbourne from 11am onwards and blag a copy of this most excellent of books.

However, should you not be able to make it in time to get a book there, then there is a most wonderful alternative; enter the free draw right here on Julie's Gems.
Here's a shambling, silly video introducing the draw and the prizes on offer.

Just to clarify:

• You have until Midnight GMT May 7th to enter the free draw.
• ANYONE, anywhere in the world is eligible to enter - at no cost.
• Hedgehogs are prickly.
• Enter by commenting here, on our Facebook page, or by emailing us at juliesgems@gmx.com.
• All we need from you at this point is your name and either an email address or phone number. If your name is drawn, then we will ask for your postal address.

...is it me, or was 20% of that last bit unnecessary?

As I said in the clip, one lucky person will not only get a copy of The Eyre Affair, but will bag a veritable treasure trove of goodies. In case you couldn't see them, here they are.

You may have noticed that a couple of books, Skallagrigg in particular, are looking a bit creased. That's because, I'm sorry to say, both that and Decipher are out of print. In the case of Skallagrigg, I think that is most definitely a crime against litereature. Oh, there are pristine copies here and there, but since they go for ridiculous prices in the main, I have to admit that I can't justify forking out my meagre funds.
Oh, alright. The fridge magnet is brand new.

One last detail to try and convince the waverers: The WBN 2103 version of The Eyre Affair comes bundled with a couple of special features. On the inside of the back cover, you will find a poem, and just a little further back from that, there is a snippet from a book, selected by Mr Fforde himself for this edition.

That's it!
Join in, have fun and enter the draw!

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LINKS
Email for Julie's Gems: juliesgems@gmx.com
Julie's Gems on Facebook.
Not Always Right (as mentioned in the video - seriously, it's worth it).
World Book Night.

Scenes from a cafe

Sorry about the absence. It's been a crappy time.

Here's something to ease our way back into your hearts - although I have to admit to pinching this wholesale from one of my friends on Facebook.

I have posted stuff from notalwaysright.com before, the site that provides a does of idiots, bigots and lunatics, all masquerading as customers. Today, I bring you fresh insights from a friend who works in a cafe.



Would you like milk or cream with your coffee sir?
"Yes please"


"Black coffee please"
There you go madam
"Could I have some milk please"
You said black coffee madam...
"Yes but I want milk in it..."


"Latte please"
[later...]
"I cant drink this coffee its too milky"


"I don't want this scone, its knobbly. I want a more even shaped one."


"I would like another cup of coffee, this one is all frothy" 
But you asked for a Cappuccino sir...


"Could you clear that table please?"
Can't you sit at one of the 8 tables around it that don't need clearing?


"Oh hello...ooh..what shall I have (after being in the queue 5 minutes) ooh that looks nice, oh so does that..ooh I shouldn't really ( 4 people behind her) I'll have a slice of that. Oh no I better not, Id better have a sandwich because I have to pic Jessica up from swimming then Tarquin up from fencing and I shall be starving" (6 people behind her) 
What drink can I get you while you decide madam?
"Ooh, er..I'll have a, er, ooh, a latte...oh no I'll have a cappuccino so I can have chocolate on top (7 people behind) I shouldn't really if being just after Xmas and all but I will because little Charles has kept me running around all day because my nanny is on holiday, but can I have skinny milk? Oh and would you put it in a cup not a mug." (9 people behind her..tapping their feet)
Have you decided what you would like to eat?
"Yes, I'll have a cheese and ham sandwich. Is it lean ham? Only I hate fat, could chef trim it?"
Yes madam
"oh lovely. Thank you. What cheese is it? Is it proper cheddar? Its not that ready sliced cheese is it?"
No madam its mature cheddar. Anything else for you?
"Um, ah, oh shall I take a cake for my husband ooh er...oh I can't decide.. (11 people loosing the will to live)...
[This happens every time she comes in]


"Do you have tea spoons?"
Yes, they are in the basket in front of you, six inches from your right hand.


"Do you have serviettes?"
Yes, they are in the basket by the teaspoons...


"What coffees do you serve?"
They are listed on the 3 foot high black board on the wall directly behind and above my head.


"I'd like a prawn sandwich please with the crusts cut off"
[later...]
"I say this sandwich is a bit small!"
That's because its missing its crusts sir..


"I'd like a breakfast but with no sausage and no bacon"
Would you like a vegetarian breakfast madam?
"No thank you, I want the full English without the meat.."
...yes, madam...


"Can I have a vegetarian breakfast with extra bacon please?"
Would you prefer a normal full English?
"Oh no, I don't eat sausages, I don't eat pork."
Yes, sir. How much bacon would you like?..

So - I think you can see just why my friend likes to let off some steam every now and then.

Sunday Bonus: Filmy logic

Every now and then, I like to have a trawl through the website Not Always Right, all in the hope of bringing you news that there are plenty more people out there that seem to apply Julie's seemingly personal brand of logic to everything. To be honest, it usually doesn't take to long to find something or someone, I should say whose grasp of logic is rather tenuous.

To be honest though, when I read this one, I was immediately put in mind of the following meme:

Bonus post: Some customers are... "special"...

I like trawling the web for fun stuff and there are a few sites I go back to quite regularly. High on the list is Not Always Right. I have featured a post from the site before - just click on the tab 'not always right' at the bottom of this post and it'll show you all the so-tabbed posts.

Today, we have someone who doesn't seem to be able to make the connection between certain deals and the appropriate days of the week...

Oh deary me.

Barking mad about cables

Well, about something, anyway. I'm not sure what, though - and neither are the two people in today's Gem.

I've lifted this wholesale from notalwaysright.com; this site, if you're unfamiliar with it, has content entirely provided from people who work in shops or are on the other end of the line in customer service positions. You see, as they know far too well, the adage "The customer is always right" does not hold true. Very frequently, the customer is a complete idiot or an abusive ass, or possibly both at the same time.
There is, of course, a third category, one that seems to be populated by people who only appear to have, at best, a nodding acquaintance with reality. Like the guy below who called the support line for a cable company.

I have no idea what the caller was taking for his ills, but I would like some please. He seemed to be happy enough in his own little world...