Once upon a time, we used to have a car - only a 1 litre Vauxhall Corsa, but it did the trick. I had it from new and eventually had to give it up for scrap after over 100,000 miles, when the cost of repairing it finally became too much.
I still miss ol' Voxy.
Anyway, enough of the nostalgia.
Well, not quite. Julie has a friend, Sue, who she used to work with. The thing is, Sue had/has a reputation for being a bit dappy. She's forgotten her keys so many times, we've lost count and I can assure you that she has a most ... inventive place to store her false teeth (not a complete set - just a plate with a few which replace some lost in an accident). I can also assure you that not many women can lay claim to have accidentally bitten their own boobs.
Yes, you read that right. don't ask.
Moving swiftly on, there were a few times we were in the position of being able to give Sue a lift to one place or another. On this particular occasion, she wanted to visit a friend in Bexhill [On-Sea], so we offered to drive her there. As you can imagine, having Julie and someone like Sue in the same car should be a sure-fire way of hearing a humdinger of a conversation. I was not disappointed.
As we drove along a straight stretch of road, Sue noted the fact that the road seemed to be a little on the rough side. "Here we go," I thought.
However, Sue caught me out, "perhaps it's a traffic calming measure?" she wondered. "It's a long, straight road and maybe they wanted people to go slower."
"OK," I thought, "that wasn't too bad, after all."
If only Sue had left it at that.
You know you're in trouble when Julie starts howling with laughter at your silliness....